In those days it came to pass that the great and terrible Routertron did seek to put an end to Sleepless Colin’s epic deeds.
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Routertron ringtone: Give ear unto the word of his command, for he takes not kindly to missed calls.
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Oh, my. I lack the words, that is fantastic. However, the great white cleric Comcastadora raised high her staff and said “Let a man who feels epicness in his heart be epic! Thou art healed! Wouldst thou like to add a connection-healing service plan for $3 per month?” And I did say “Yea, I shall. Send forth a tech mage to check my wires tomorrow.” And it was good.